This is a talk I gave on December 5th, 2020 during the Webinar: Increasing Your Christ Discernment.
I wanted to give some comments based on Maitreya’s dictation. Because this dictation very well described the path or the process that I have been going through—in a sense all of my life but certainly for the past 44 years where I have been aware of the spiritual path.
I can remember when I think back, how it was in my childhood where I had this constant tension that he was talking about. I even had periods in my childhood where I had these tics, these involuntary movements. I would wrinkle my nose or I would do something with my head. I was what you would call a very nervous child, and it wasn’t anything outer, it wasn’t that my parents were causing it or that there was anything in my outer situation. It was simply an inner tension that I had with me from past lives. I have met many other spiritual people that felt the same way.
My first spiritual movement
Here is what happened to me when I found my first spiritual movement, which was the Transcendental Meditation movement when I was eighteen years old (it was in 1976, it was the past millennium, a long time ago). I can see this dynamic where I had this sense that I could not be wrong, or that my intuition couldn’t be wrong. I very much felt my entire society was so negative towards spirituality. My family was very negative towards spirituality and I just felt that I couldn’t be wrong. I couldn’t have been wrong in going into that movement.
Then, after a few years when I started seeing that there were certain things that were not really the highest there, it was really a trauma for me to leave that movement. I felt that I had been wrong in going into it and my intuition had been wrong in guiding me. Up until then I had always felt that I could trust my intuition, now I felt that it was my intuitive guidance that made me go into TM, but now I thought it was wrong because TM wasn’t the highest movement. It took me some time to realize that my intuition had shown me that I should join the TM movement but my intuition hadn’t told me that this was an ultimate spiritual movement or the highest spiritual movement. That was an overlay that my mind had created.
Why we experience certain situations
This was a very important realization for me because it helped me with this idea that you can be wrong for doing something. Really, I started realizing at some point, that following the spiritual path on the planet we are on, in the time we live in is very, very complex. We have had many, many lifetimes on earth. We are not consciously aware of those lifetimes, so we are not always conscious of (to use the words we are using today) what separate selves we have created in those past lifetimes. Sometimes we need to experience a particular outer situation because it stirs up a separate self that we have created, perhaps many lifetimes ago. This means that we have to experience that situation.
Now, in some cases it may be that we just need to experience that situation for a very short time, then that self is stirred up, we look at it, we deal with it, we make a better decision and go beyond it. It is almost like the outer mind cannot wrap itself around: “Why did I have to do this. Why did I have to experience this? Why did I have to do something that now seems unnecessary or seems like it was a mistake?” So, what I started eventually realizing, was that it’s really meaningless to evaluate our spiritual path based on the mindset of: “…was it a mistake or was it not a mistake?”
I realized that in order to make progress, in order to overcome certain illusions, we have to experience a particular situation. We may only need to have that experience for a short time, but it resolves something. Once we have resolved it, it has fulfilled its purpose and we can move on to something else. But the world has this attitude that when you have started something, you have to finish it, this was one of my father’s big things. When I started one study at university and then stopped after a year, he was so angry because: “When you start something, you have to finish it!” There is an attitude in the world that you have to have an outer reason for what you are doing.
Spiritual people often have chaotic lives
I see in myself, in my life, how I have had this very (what would you call it) a very sort of, some would say scattered and disharmonious life, where I have gone from one situation to another. I have had several different marriages. I have lived in different countries. I’ve had different jobs. I went through getting an education as an architect that I have never used and all of these outer things. I have seen this in many other spiritual people, we move very quickly from situation to situation. There is always this projection from other people or from the world that “it’s wrong” of us to be in these situations. If we don’t stay with something, it must have been a mistake. But why do we have to think that way?
If you have to go into a particular job situation, or live in a particular place, or have a particular relationship in order to have the experience that helps you resolve something, why is that wrong? You are taking a major step forward on your personal path. Once you have taken that step forward, why should you stay in that situation? Why do you need to keep the same job for forty years—as my parents’ generation did? Why do you need to take an education and then use it for the rest of your life? Maybe you just needed a certain experience from taking that education and that was enough. You don’t need the experience of having the job for forty years.
Maybe you need to be in a certain relationship in order to have a certain experience and come to a certain resolution in your mind. Then, once you have reached that resolution, the relationship has fulfilled its’ purpose and you can move on. Why do we have to see it as always being wrong?
My goal is to move on
This is one of the realizations I have come to. My goal in this lifetime is to make as much spiritual progress as I can. Hopefully – which I feel is realistic – qualify for my ascension, but also do as much service as I can for the ascended masters while I am still in embodiment.
In order to fulfil that goal, I cannot allow myself to be stuck at any level. I have to move on and I have to continue to move on. So, what is wrong with moving on? This is what Christhood is about, this is what the path is about. It’s about moving on, leaving things behind. “Let the dead bury their dead.” “Give away all your possessions and come follow me.” “Be willing to lose your life for my sake.” This is what Jesus said two thousand years ago, because we need to demonstrate that nothing on this earth is more important than our progress on the path.
Tension on the spiritual path
Now, to go back to the tension I started out with. When I found the TM movement, it actually added to the tension. Even though the meditation had some calming effect for a time, there also came a point where now just the dynamics of the movement itself and being involved with other people and taking these courses I took, added a certain tension. Because in the TM movement there was a goal you had to reach, you had to become a TM teacher, you had to take these expensive courses in Switzerland in order to get there and all of this stuff.
Then, when I left the TM movement, that increased the tension. Now, I felt this enormous tension that I’d made this mistake and I had been fooled into going into this movement—all of these things. I worked through that over some time and over some years actually. Then I found the ascended master teachings in the form of the Summit Lighthouse. When I look back at it, I can see that going into the Summit Lighthouse, and especially leaving Denmark and going to America (not really knowing how I was going to sustain myself there, make a living there, or even being able to stay there for immigration purposes), it increased my level of tension enormously.
I am not blaming anyone for this, this was my psychology and my reaction, but I will say this. One of the masters talked about the Summit Lighthouse having a very judgmental culture. What I would say is that the Summit Lighthouse as an organization was incredibly tense. There was just an unbelievable tension in the people, among the people, in the organization in general. It was all the way from Elizabeth Clare Prophet and down, there was just incredible tension.
I am not trying to say that this was bad, or people were immature or whatever. What I will say, is that for me it started becoming clear that regardless of the outer organization (it wasn’t that the outer organization caused my tension) I had been attracted to the organization because I had the inner tension. By being in the organization and seeing it out-pictured, I had the opportunity to deal with it, confront it and overcome it.
There came a point where I started realizing that I had to overcome the tension. I think it started probably in the early 1990’s where at first, I realized that I was using decrees as an excuse for not dealing with my psychology. So, I decided to go into therapy. I also came to some understanding of the Buddha—that the path that the Buddha offered was the path of overcoming my attachments.
I came to realize that it is my attachments that creates the tension. I am attached to something. I am attached to a certain outcome, and as long as it isn’t fulfilled, then I am tense. So, this was part of the process where I started questioning a lot of things. What I am trying to say here is that the process where I started consciously working on overcoming my tension started in the early 1990’s. It wasn’t completed until much later. It’s not something you can just snap your fingers and easily overcome, because it requires you to look at many things in your psychology and overcome them. The important thing is: It can be done.
Now, for me an important step on the path was that I had this experience I have described, where I was transported to Alpha and Omega’s retreat in the Central Sun. I experienced Alpha and Omega and saw beyond them to what I perceived as the Creator. What I realized from that experience is that God, the Creator, has an unconditional acceptance of me. I saw it as unconditional love, but it was also an acceptance of me.
It gave me a frame of reference that beyond anything on earth, beyond other people’s opinions or my own opinions, there is a being that is my source and that source accepts me unconditionally for who I am. That being is of course your source as well, and it accepts you as unconditionally as it accepts me. Now, you may not have experienced this, so it may be just something I am telling you. Maybe it doesn’t help you, I don’t know. Maybe it is something that can help you. Because what I started doing was, I started realizing that I wasn’t accepting myself as God accepted me.
Now, at the time I didn’t have the concept of the Conscious You. What I had experienced when I was experiencing the Creator, I was not in my outer state of mind when this happened, I was beyond my outer state of mind. I was in a completely neutral state of awareness. I was in that environment, experiencing Alpha and Omega, but I just experienced. There was no thought process going on in my mind, evaluating everything, analyzing, judging everything. It was just neutral awareness, which is what the masters call “pure awareness.” You are just experiencing without evaluating, judging, analyzing. You are completely in the experience. It is not that you are standing outside of the experience, which is happening to your body, but there is a part of your mind that is evaluating and analyzing the experience, that is how it was.
What I realized was that God’s acceptance of me was the real me, the core of my being. It was not my outer personality. I knew that. I never for a second felt that: “Oh I must be special because I had this experience.” It was actually a very humbling experience. I realized that God accepts the core of my being but God didn’t accept the outer personality because that is not me, that’s not real.
That is when I started really separating myself from this outer personality and realizing that I needed to come to a point where I could accept myself. I did work on that over several years and I made some progress on it. But still I had this tendency to judge other people and judge myself, that was also so common in the Summit Lighthouse, which again was why I was attracted to the Summit Lighthouse. It wasn’t that the Summit Lighthouse produced this in me. I was attracted to the Summit because I had this in my psychology and that is why I needed to see it outplayed so that I could deal with it.
Being personally attacked
The next big event for me was in 2009 when I separated from my second wife. She and a group of people started attacking me on the Internet with websites and Facebook and emails. Really, what they were attempting to do (if you look at it neutrally) was a kind of psychological warfare. They were trying to portray me as absolutely wrong, as having done something epically wrong. I was no longer a messenger—I was no longer in contact with the real masters and all of these things. I very quickly realized that I couldn’t help these people because whatever I said to them, they would not even listen to it. So, I stopped focusing my attention on it and I started doing what I have basically done most of my life—looking at myself. What does my reaction to this situation say about what is unresolved in my psychology?
I realized that I actually had an attachment to being seen by others as a good person. Now, from a realistic perspective I am what you normally call a good person. I never deliberately hurt anybody and I have no evil intentions towards anybody. But here was a group of people who were accusing me of being the opposite. I realized that because what they were accusing me of wasn’t true in many cases, I could easily have defended myself and refuted what they said. I decided not to do that. I decided just to look at myself and say: “Why am I reacting to this?”
I realized I had this attachment: “I want to be seen as a good person, as a person who has good intentions.” Part of this, is also that I thought in order to be seen as a good person I can’t have made some really serious mistake. I can’t make some really bad mistakes.
I think this is something that was very much also in the Summit Lighthouse culture, because in the Summit you had this concept of being tested, being initiated. You were always on the path of initiation. You were always being tested and you could fail your tests. The masters were portrayed as being more strict, more disciplinarian. They would expose you and scold you if you failed your tests. That was how it was seen in the culture. I realized that there was this underlying belief that if you made a really serious mistake, you could not be on the path anymore. You wouldn’t really be a chela of the masters. Also, that you wouldn’t be accepted by other people. I didn’t realize at the time what was the dynamic behind this.
Coming to earth with good intentions
The next big breakthrough (there were again incremental improvements over several years), but the next big breakthrough came in 2016/17 when we received these teachings on the Primal Self. That is when I started realizing that I have come to earth, just as Maitreya described, with a particular intention. I wanted to achieve a certain result. I wanted to help people overcome their suffering. But I had realized after I came to earth that I couldn’t help people if they wouldn’t listen to me. So, I had created these selves that believed that the only way I could fulfill my reason for coming to earth, was if I got people to listen to me. They wouldn’t listen to me if they saw that I had made a really bad mistake, or if they thought I wasn’t a good person.
I also started realizing that I had these selves that felt that this is a very difficult, very low planet. I didn’t choose to come here because I wanted to experience something on earth—because I wanted to do something for my personal enjoyment. I was only here to improve the situation on the planet. That is why I had come. In other words, if I couldn’t achieve what I had come here for then the whole thing had been one big failure. What was the point in even coming here and going through all of this suffering, if I couldn’t achieve anything worthwhile?
This created this entire dynamic where I felt I couldn’t be really wrong. It was only when I started seeing the Primal Self and overcoming this primal self that I came to that point (as I have described before), I felt that complete release, and I sensed that I don’t have to do anything on earth. That is when I started feeling that I had really broken through the cause of the tension.
Because I had this tension – and I probably had it for two million years – of feeling that I had to do something on earth, but because what I had to do on earth depended on other people’s reactions, it seemed impossible to accomplish what I was here for. That is why there was always this specter in the background, that I could completely fail to accomplish what I was here to do. If I did that, my whole journey on earth had been a failure. I should never have come here, was what these selves were projecting on me—the fallen beings were projecting at me.
When I unrooted that first element or that first primal self, that was when it started really lifting, Before that there had been a certain incremental improvement. I wasn’t as tense in 2009 as I was in 1999 or in 1989. But I still had this deep inner tension. I guess what I wanted to say with all of this, is that it is actually possible to overcome this tension.
The major benefit of the spiritual path
Overcoming this tension, is as I see it now at least, the major benefit of walking the spiritual path—the major benefit. It makes everything you have to do worthwhile. I can look back at my path and all the things I’ve gone through, and I can see there was an experience I needed, there was an experience that helped me resolve something. I needed to do this because that helped me see this and so on. So, I don’t have to look back with regrets and evaluate: Was this right, was it wrong, was it a mistake, did I fail my tests. I needed the experiences I needed in order to make the maximum progress in this, what is potentially my last embodiment on earth.
I remember many, many years ago (actually before I was going to go to the United States), I met with a priest from the Danish State Church (Lutheran state church). She was basically trying to talk us out of going to America, and living our lives in Denmark. I mentioned the situation where Jesus calls his disciples and she said (and she seriously believed this): ”Oh no, he didn’t just call them and they immediately walked away from everything, no they had at least a year (wherever she got that from) to get their affairs in order so that they were ready to follow him.” But I knew that that wasn’t the case.
When we are in our last embodiment
I knew that what she was saying was not necessarily wrong for people who are not in their last lifetime. You have more time, you don’t have to leave everything else behind. But, if you are in your last lifetime, if you know it’s part of your Divine Plan to qualify for your ascension in this lifetime, you don’t have a lot of time to dilly-dally. You just have to get on with having the experiences you need to have, in order to see certain things in yourself and overcome those selves. You can’t stay too long in one place. You can’t stay longer than you need to. You simply need to move on. Whatever other people think about it, however angry they get for you moving on and they feel you are leaving them behind, and that’s wrong for this and that and the next reason.
If this is your last embodiment, you need to do what you need to do. You need to experience what you need to experience. It’s not that any of what you did is wrong, it’s obsolete to think in those terms. It was part of your path, it was something you needed to do to come to a certain insight, to come to a certain level of resolution and to rise to a certain level of the path. Today, I look back at my life and I say: “Well, it was all just part of the path, it was all the experiences I needed to have.” It’s meaningless to say: “Was this wrong or was this right?”
Overcoming the need for security
What I have also learned as part of this process, is not to be attached to my outer beliefs and viewpoints. It was many, many years ago that I realized that I had the same need for security that we all have. I had the need to feel that there were certain things I knew that were genuine, that were valid, Especially after I found ascended master teachings, I thought that at least what the masters are telling us is something I can trust, something I can believe in.
It’s not that what the masters are telling us is wrong, but what I came to realize is that my ability to grasp the masters’ teachings was a product of my current level of consciousness. Naturally, I could see that I understood more at that point than I could ten years earlier. I assumed that if I kept walking the path, that I would understand more in ten years than I do now. So, it is meaningless to say that there is anything that I know and believe today that is the ultimate understanding. Because anything that I see today could potentially be—not necessarily replaced, but it could be expanded by a greater understanding.
Even to this day, I’ve been a messenger now for eighteen years, I’ve taken over 800 dictations, lots of questions and answers. I have a much greater understanding of the spiritual path than I had even in the Summit Lighthouse, where I had a much greater understanding than I had in TM. But still I maintain this: There is nothing I know or think or believe today that couldn’t be expanded, that couldn’t be replaced by a greater understanding, that couldn’t be put in a different context. So, what meaning does it give to say that I could make a mistake by seeing through an illusion and giving it up?
My current understanding is not a mistake
Why does the fact that I have a limited understanding today—why is that a mistake? It’s a product of my level of consciousness. I am not deliberately believing in an illusion. If I believe in an illusion it’s because I haven’t seen that it is an illusion, because I can’t see it with my level of consciousness. How could it be a mistake to say I believed in that illusion? I have to accept that I am at a certain level of consciousness right now, and I see what I see. I am constantly striving to rise higher. When I move a step higher on the path, I may see something I cannot see now. I might see that what I believe now is an illusion, but why is that a mistake? Well, it is a mistake if I believe that the belief I have right now is the ultimate truth and therefore should never be questioned. That is a mistake, because that will hold me back on the path.
So, it’s like there came a point (it was actually even before the teachings on the Primal Self) where I started realizing that seeing through my illusions is an ongoing process and will never end. There was a certain projection against me that because I’m a messenger for the ascended masters, I should have a certain ultimate level of understanding. In the Summit Lighthouse it was very much projected that Elizabeth Clare Prophet, she had a higher level of consciousness, the Christ consciousness, and she knew and saw everything. I don’t believe that is true. She had a high level of consciousness, it’s not that. But it was still not the ultimate level and there was none of what she believed and saw that was the ultimate understanding, because as the masters have said, they cannot give it to us on a planet like this.
Perfectionism creates resistance
What I came to realize is that the whole belief that I should be perfect, that I should not make a mistake, that I should have the highest understanding, was actually a resistance, it created a resistance to my growth. I realized that it didn’t really make any sense that I am a messenger for the ascended masters but I am resisting growing on the path. I am resisting seeing through some illusions and coming to a higher understanding. I can see when I look back, and this is part of what the masters have been talking about here, that we have these separate selves and they are resisting what the masters are trying to do. They are resisting getting the insights and the revelations and making the changes that the masters are seeking to help us make.
So, it is almost like there is this push-pull on the path. You have this old joke in Denmark that there was a man who is out walking at night and it was icy. It was so slippery that every time he took one step forward, he would slide two steps backwards. Of course, that is an impossible situation. In a sense that is what we are in on the path. The masters are pulling us to take a step forward but then our separate selves and egos are pulling us to go backwards maybe one or two steps. So, it’s always this back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and that’s part of the tension. I had this for the first many years on the path.
There came that point, I don’t even remember really when, but years ago, where I suddenly saw it and I decided, I actually said to the masters: “I’m not resisting you, you can show me anything you want to show me. I’m not trying to hide from you. I don’t want you to hold back, just show me what I need to see in order to move on.”
It’s not that the masters, as you would imagine in the Summit, stepped forward and exposed all of my ego or pounded me down for having this or that belief. They have, of course worked with me as they always do. The primary effect of making this decision was that it relieved another level of tension. I no longer had the resistance. That made it so much easier to walk the path.
What I am trying to say here is that I have experiencing myself, that there comes a point where you turn a corner on the path and now you don’t have the resistance, you don’t have the tension. You are at peace with walking the path. It doesn’t mean that you feel you have reached some ultimate level. You are at peace being on the path and continuing to walk the path and take one step at a time.
The spiritual path can be enjoyable
It is just so much more peaceful and enjoyable to reach that level, and I really encourage you to ponder this, to consider it and to use the tools the masters have given us. Because it is the separate selves that creates this tension and this resistance.
I know that for me it was a process to come to the point where I could make that decision. I am not saying that you can just listen to this and then you can say: “Oh, I am going to make that decision now” and then you make the decision with the outer mind. When I am talking about a decision, I am not talking about making a decision with the outer mind. I am talking about resolving something in your psychology so that the decision comes spontaneously. It is not really a decision, it is more of a realization and it is a realization that: ”Oh, this is the way it is. I don’t need to resist. I don’t need to feel I’m wrong. I don’t need to evaluate myself based on right and wrong.” And these are realizations, it’s resolution.
I would encourage you to maybe use this as an inspiration and then see: “What tools can I use that the masters have given us to maybe move closer to the point where I can feel that spontaneous decision, feel that release, where I can also let go of the tension and feel at peace with being on earth, being who I am, being at the present level of the path.”
You don’t have to be perfect. It’s the ego that wants some ultimate state. Once you let go of that, you are realizing: “Well, I don’t need to claim I have reached the highest levels of the Christ consciousness. I am on the path. I am still walking the path. I don’t even worry anymore about where I’m at on the path.
There was a point where I was very concerned about: “Where am I at on the path, am I making enough progress.” There came a point where it just faded away, so I am not evaluating: “Am I at a higher level of consciousness than other people—am I at a certain level of the 144 levels?” It doesn’t matter anymore. Because I know that I will continue to take that one step at a time and go higher and higher. That is what the path is all about, and that is the way it will be for the rest of the time I am in embodiment. Until I reach that 144th level and I can take that final step. That was what I really wanted to share with you. I am grateful that you allowed me to share this and thank you for being with us today.
Copyright © 2021 Kim Michaels