How to Communicate from the Heart

Topics: Kim Michaels Michaels’ book How to Communicate from the Heart

February 24, 2014 Divine Love Talk

Book: How to Communicate from the Heart. 

Parthenia:(Talks briefly about honoring free speech and then introduces the book.)

Parthenia:… I’d love for you to talk to us about how we can take back our free will and learn how to communicate from the heart.  Because that’s the biggest problem, I think, in relationships today and around the world is that you’ve got people communicating from their head and then you’ve got people that are trying to communicate from their heart and the twain shall never meet. Kim Michaels is also going to talk to us about how we have been engaged in a great depression, but that depression is a spiritual one.  … One thing that I learned from Kim Michaels Michaels’ book, Communicating from the Heart, is that you cannot communicate from the heart; unless you have made the choice that being at oneness with the other person is more important than being separated from that other person.  One of the problems I’ve seen when the ego gets to dominate the relationship is that people forget about the other person and they get more concerned with being right; rather than being at peace and rather than trying to create harmony and understanding in the relationship.  There’s a huge problem with people not listening to each other.  So, we have Kim Michaels Michaels back? Alright Kim Michaels.

So, talk to us about how we can communicate from the heart, versus from the head.  

Kim Michaels: Yeah, I think you were right in what you said earlier that when people start communicating from the head; it’s almost impossible to have a deeper understanding between people.  And the important thing about communicating from the heart is that – of course, it’s not really from the heart, it’s from our intuition.  And when we actuate the intuition, we can go beyond the outer ego- based mind that only looks at differences.  And from the heart we can start looking at similarities and we can even connect to the underlying oneness that all life is one.  And if we can communicate from the state of oneness, then we can come to a deeper understanding.

And really, it doesn’t mean that we always agree; because I think that it’s important for us to realize that we are all different individuals, we are all unique individuals.  And we are here to bring forth a particular aspect of god, a particular flame of god that is ours uniquely.  So, you and I might not always agree on the specifics on how something should be done, for example; but if we communicate from the heart, I think we can respect our differences.  And that is a major step forward.

Parthenia:Well, you know, and I think all of the great teachers have a tremendous respect for just learning to listen to the other person first and make sure that you have a clear understanding of what they are trying to say. … It can take two hours just to make one point.

Kim Michaels:Yes, that’s very, very true.  And that’s also something where I think that when you are connected to the heart, you can listen better.  And you can – you can probably, also, really go beyond the words.  Because with the scenario that you are describing, I think that’s when people are only interpreting the word with the mind, with the intellectual mind.  And I know for myself, sometimes when I am talking to somebody, my mind is just running wild.  And it’s like my mind is trying to anticipate and answer, even though I haven’t really heard the question, yet.  And if we can cut out that mechanism, that’s very, very true, as you said, if we could just stop and just listen.

And I think, also, sometimes it’s like when we start talking about something; especially, if it’s a deeper topic, I find, at least in myself, I can’t always say what I really want to say right up front.  It’s almost like I have to say something that’s on a superficial level first.  And then, if I keep talking; then I can get down to what it really is I’m trying to say.  But if the other person has already interrupted me and responded to the superficial stuff I said; then I never really feel like I get to say what I really wanted to say.  And I think that goes for other people, as well.  So, then we have, like you said, a very superficial conversation.

Parthenia:Exactly!  So, you know, in communicating beyond superficiality – for me I know that I just have to feel what that person is feeling, almost have this almost empathetic kind of kinetic connection to what’s going on with that person.  And it works very, very well if the other person, when you ask them: Well, are you angry with me or what are you upset about?  And if they’re able, or if they have the courage to tell you exactly what they’re feeling in that moment, even if they attack you; I would rather hear the truth from that person then have them go into denial. …  I think there has to be honesty and authenticity on the part of both people to go deep into the truth so that you don’t have to keep dealing with the same issue over and over.

Kim Michaels:That’s very true, but that is also because, you see, you are connected to the heart; because, otherwise, you can’t do that, what you just said.  You can’t even listen, because your mind has already come up with a response to the first thing they said.  But, it is very true, honesty – and that’s talked about in the book that honesty is a very important element of communication.  And you have to really start out deciding: Do you want a deeper communication or do you just want the superficial kind of communication?  And that takes a lot of honesty.  And I think it actually takes honesty about ourselves.  You know, we have to be willing to look at ourselves and see: Well, where am I not communicating?  Or am I not a good enough listener?  Am I just responding to the first thing people say and never really giving them a chance to get to the deeper issue.

Parthenia:Right.  And a lot of people, I think, get caught up in this ego thing of wanting people to really cater to their ego and compliment them and build them up. … When someone tells you something that could be construed as critical of you; what I do is take a deep breath and I listen from the heart.  And then, I go within, when they make that comment, and I know if it’s true or not.  I know who I am better than anybody else.  And I’m willing to own it.  But I also know when that person is just projecting their stuff at me. … 

Kim Michaels:No, and I think that’s a really important distinction to make.  But I think, also, that before we can actually really make that distinction; I think we have to be honest enough to look at ourselves and see whether we go into a conversation feeling threatened, even if we don’t realize this consciously.  You see so many people – if you say just one little thing wrong, or if you have a little bit of a tone of irritation; they immediately react to that.  And that’s because they are so on the defensive all the time.  And I think the least we can do is look at ourselves and say: Am I actually defending myself before I’ve even been attacked? 


Kim Michaels:And so, if we find that we have this mechanism; then we need to work on that.  And I think, in that respect, it has helped me to work on depersonalizing the things I feel defensive about, take a look at them and say:  Why do I feel defensive about this?  And then, have the goal to depersonalize it so that I can listen to another person and I can try to hear what they are saying without taking personally, even if they are actually attacking me.  Because a lot of the times, you know, you have to – it very much helped me when I realized that even if somebody comes at me and are seemingly attacking me; it’s actually not really me they are attacking.

I’m not really the cause of their state of mind.  They’re state of mind is they’re state of mind.  And they are just acting out that state of mind.  But it doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m the cause of it.  I might just be the trigger or I might be the closest person there, but it doesn’t mean I have to take this as a personal attack.  And I think it’s really great, what you’re talking about, if you can come to the point where you just have depersonalized it enough that you don’t go into that defensive reaction.  And then you can just listen.

Parthenia:…Kim Michaels, we were talking about the whole issue, I think, first, listen from the heart and being willing to hear what that person has to say.  … But also interrupt these patterns that people have of going into blaming others and not taking responsibility for their part in it.  And I’m having to bring the conversation back to: OK, so what is the lesson for you and what is your part in this and what can you do about this? …

Kim Michaels:Yeah, I totally agree with that.  And you obviously have a lot more experience with that than I do, because you’ve counseled so many student over the years.  And I really feel it is very important to listen.  I notice in myself that, anytime you are in a little bit of an authority position of a teacher of any kind, whether it’s in a college or just a spiritual teacher, like I have been; there are people who, like you said, have a pattern.  They don’t really want to take responsibility for themselves.  It’s almost like they want you to validate them in their misery.


Kim Michaels:So, it’s hard.  Yeah, because on the one hand you want to show compassion to people; but on the other hand you’re not helping them by validating their misery.  You are only helping them if you can get them to reconnect to the fact that they are not powerless.  There is something they can do about a situation.  But, of course, in order to do something about your situation; you have to shift your consciousness.  You have to shift out of this sense of being powerless that most people have been brought up to be in really.  And we’re brought up to think that there are so many things that we can’t do anything about.

Parthenia:Well, you know, Kim Michaels, your works, the books that I’ve read and your websites have been critical and instrumental in me being able to shift my consciousness with all of the attacks that I’ve been dealing with over the past couple of years on campus that have been very, very vicious.  And learning not to react to them; it’s been a journey and it’s been a process. …  I had so shifted from reading your work, that I was able to listen to them and answer their questions in a very clear cut way, where there was no need to defend myself, no need to say anything other than: Well, here’s the truth and if you want to go with this other nonsense, than go with it.  … And know this has nothing to do with me. … And that is communicating from a position of power, when you’re under attach.  And I have to tell you, I never would have been able to do it without all the books and all the free information on your websites.

Kim Michaels:Yeah, and I think that’s very true.  Because what the masters are trying to help us do, the ascended masters; they are trying to help us reconnect to the fact that we are more than the outer personality.  What you’re describing is basically the process where you have, like I was saying earlier, you have depersonalized these issues.  But really the way to depersonalize it is that you connect to your own higher self.  You realize there’s a part of you that’s in the spiritual realm and it can never be affected by anything on earth.  And when you have that inner connection, then you’re not so easily pulled into all this outer turmoil.  I actually think that one of the things the masters are talking about is that we have an inner sanctuary, where we shouldn’t let anything from the world in.  And we can talk more about that after the break.

Parthenia:Oh, great. So, when we come back, we are going to talk about how you do not have to allow other people to influence your choices and ways that you can do that. …

Parthenia:… Kim Michaels, I wanted to pick up with the point that you were making before the commercial break.  Could you repeat that?

Kim Michaels:Yeah.  What the ascended masters are teaching us is that we have a core of our being – they call it the inner sanctuary – where we’re really not meant to let anything from the world enter.  It’s meant to be our peaceful core where we can retreat and connect to ourselves.  And, of course, we’ve all been tricked into letting various things enter and that’s why the masters are giving us these tools.  Now in this book, for example – The full title is actually How to Communicate for the Heart. – and there are some discourses there from the ascended master that talk about communication as it relates to the seven spiritual rays, which also relates to the seven energy centers, or chakras, in our auras.  And by using those tools, we actually take back that inner core that is the peace in our beings.

 And I think when we connect to our higher selves, we can avoid what is the most common problem, I think, in communication.  With the situation you are describing, and I’m sure many people will recognize this pattern in their own lives; there are simply some people that are coming at you with a very aggressive energy.  And what I have learned over the years is, these people actually want to draw you into an argument.  But the way they are doing it is they are actually trying to box you in before the communication even starts.  And do this by having some sort of a pattern where they are accusing you, labeling you, putting you down, attacking you in some way.

And what they are hoping you will do is that you will start to defend yourself, start to comment on the accusations they are throwing at you, trying to refute them.  And, as soon as they can drag you into this game, you have lost any chance of communicating with them at a deeper level.  Because what you are doing is – when you react to them in a defensive way, you are actually, in their minds, you are confirming their view of you.  They have (cut off.)

Parthenia:OK, Kim Michaels was saying that when we react to any kind of attack, that we are confirming their view of you.  And I have certainly found that to be true in my dealings … Because they will make up things just to see how you are going to react. … They just want to draw you into an argument.

Kim Michaels:Yeah, because they don’t want to have a conversation with you as two human beings.  Because they’ve already judged you as being subhuman or a specific kind of human that they don’t like, that they can label.  And so they want you to validate that view point at all costs.  And they are just looking for you to react to what they are saying, so that you validate them.  And the point I wanted to get to is that the only chance you have – and it definitely does not work always, because some people you just can’t reach – but the only chance you have is to not conform to their expectations, not validate their view of you.  The first thing you have to do is actually shock them into thinking that maybe this is a real human being who has real feelings and real thoughts, you know.

Parthenia:... Because the meeting was just a farce.  It was just an attempt to box me in.

Kim Michaels:Yeah. It was a forgone conclusion.


Kim Michaels:You know, in the college system -

Parthenia:It looked like they had rehearsed it.

Kim Michaels:Yeah, of course, and they probably had.  But it’s terrible to hear that in a university system they can have this kind of disdain for women in this age.

Parthenia:Well, women that don’t go along with the program.  If you become an honorary male, and you go along with the program, then it’s OK.  …

Kim Michaels:But that’s the same you see in the business world, where women are tolerated if they act like men, but they are not tolerated for being women.  See, the wonderful thing about women is that they are different from us men, and therefor they can add something that we can’t come up with.

Parthenia:Right, but there has to be an appreciation for it.  … When a person is closed, it’s a waste of time.  I think you do have to be able to gage whether someone is receptive to hearing you, or whether they just want to spit their venom at you ...  I think it’s important to just pull yourself out of that situation.  There is no reason to subject yourself to all of that kind of negativity.

Kim Michaels:No, there is no obligation to take abuse. 

Parthenia:… When you capitulate to that kind of lack of communication, there’s no end to how high they’re going to ask you to jump.

Kim Michaels:No, no, it’ll just keep going.  That’s very true.  I actually would like to comment on this.  Since I have lived in the US for as long as I did, for over 20 years, and I find that if you compare the US to Europe; I honestly have to say that the US is behind Europe when it comes to respect for women and equality among the sexes.

Parthenia:I would agree. Yes.

Kim Michaels:Especially, at least northern Europe, which I know the best.  And I especially found this when it comes to women taking authority positions.  I don’t know that there is a field where it is worse than in the field of religion, especially Christianity, where American Christian churches are so opposed to women taking any kind of spiritual position.

Parthenia:We’re a threat.

Kim Michaels:It’s almost past – it’s last century.  It’s so far behind what it should be.

Parthenia:There’s still seems to be this perception of Eve being the temptress …

Kim Michaels:Yes.   And that’s the way I have found that the ascended masters teachings have really – they have really nailed this so clearly, because they talk so much about that the outer characteristics that we have on earth really don’t matter.  It’s where are you as a soul?  It’s the soul level that matters.  And they, also, say that we don’t always embody in the same body.  Sometimes we are in a male body and sometimes in female bodies.  And I think, obviously, that many of the men who have problems with women in this lifetime were probably women in a recent lifetime.  

And it’s just comical to think that people can be so attached to these outer things and that they can’t actually look at a person as a soul that has inherent worth.  And it doesn’t matter whether they have this color skin or whether they have this sex or whether they have this ethnic background or national background.  All of these things don’t matter, because we’re spirits.  We are so much more than these outer characteristics.  And I think communicating with the heart really is a matter of connecting to the fact that we are all spirits.  We are so much more than these outer things.

Parthenia:Well, you know, that’s such a cogent point, Kim Michaels; because the other problem that the power structure have with me on campus is that I communicate with all of the students as if they are equals and I treat them as equals. And there is this hierarchy that the faculty and the administrators, that they are above the students.  …

Kim Michaels:But you know, I think that right there, Parthenia, is probably the real problem they have with you.  You don’t respect the hierarchy.

Parthenia:Yeah. I don’t. (laughing)

Kim Michaels:I think so, because that is what we do as spiritual people.  If you are really connected to who you are as a spiritual person, you see other people that way too.  And then, you see behind the outer façade.  And that means that there is nobody below you that you won’t talk to.  But, on the other hand there’s nobody who’s so above you that you will respect anything they say if you disagree with it.

Parthenia:… That is a real threat, the fact that I speak out.  Go ahead.

Kim Michaels:This is a society-wide problem that I think that the US – that’s why I say that the US is in a certain way behind Europe.  Because what has happened in Europe is that it has been sort of a whatever you want to call it, rebellion or change, in how people view authority.  Because it used to be that if somebody is in an authority position in society, you cannot speak out against them.  They are right.  It doesn’t matter what they say, they are right because of their position.  And I see that authoritarianism much more prevalent in the United States than in Europe.

Parthenia:Wow.  You’re so right.  Because that’s really what it’s about. …  Well, they’re in positions of authority. …

Kim Michaels:But, wasn’t that what the student uprising in the sixties was all about?  Dealing with this authoritarianism.


Kim Michaels:What happened to that?  This reporter you were talking to – he must be younger.  He must not know what happened then.

Parthenia:No!  No.  He was in my age group.  It was scary that this was an investigative reporter that was actually not using any kind of critical thinking skills …

Kim Michaels:Well, I’m sure glad the founding fathers weren’t like him, because then you guys would still be British.


Kim Michaels:God save the queen, instead of oh say can you see.

Parthenia:(laughter.)  I just hold on to the fact that we still have a constitution, in spite of the fact that there are all these attacks on freedom of speech on campus and the right to protest and the right to actually expose.  Whistle blowing, man, you whistle blow within that district; you gotta watch your back, because there’s no telling what could happen to you.

Kim Michaels:But think about this.  The American Revolution.  Wasn’t it about the fact that King George wasn’t right just because he was king?  That didn’t give him the right to abuse the inalienable rights of the people.  That’s what the American Revolution was all about.  I mean can we not go back to our roots and say: We should, at least, try to live up to what our democracy is all about, what our country is all about.

Parthenia:Right. … I’m physically sick behind all of this.  … I’m going why am so sick?  And it’s because I really haven’t publicly spoken out.  … So I’m very grateful to CRN and being able to be on this show.

Kim Michaels:Yeah.  And it is a great opportunity.  And I think, like we talked about last week - I think students in the educational system need to speak out a lot more.  And there is really a need for a whole second shift, where we start to do away with this authoritarian rule.

Parthenia:Well, they’re criminalizing it on my campus.  Students get penalized and professors, if you speak out.  There’s hope.

Kim Michaels:Well that’s what King George did to the founding fathers.  They were criminals, too.

Parthenia:… Kim Michaels, I’ve so enjoyed our conversation, going back and forth, being able to communicate from our hearts and speak our truth without being stifled or oppressed at a radio station in America.  …  What would you say is our highest potential?

Kim Michaels:Our highest potential?  Well, I think free speech, even though we have it guaranteed in the Constitution; it really isn’t any more free than what you are able to see.  Because you can’t see something you are not aware of.  And so you can actually have a situation, and I think that’s what we’ve been talking about on this show, where certain authority figures in society, like the academic community, have created a log of unseen censorship.  It isn’t deliberate censorship, like it was in the Soviet Union, where somebody is sitting there reading it all and censoring it out.  But, it is almost a voluntary and unconscious censorship, where people don’t dare talk about things that they know are going be put down by the academic community.  They want to toe the line.  And students are, in a sense, blackmailed into this.  Because how are you going to get a degree if you don’t toe the party line?  And that is, I think, a very big question today.  Could you actually get a degree at major university if you said something that was in complete opposition to the academic line?

Parthenia:I agree with you.  And students do tell me that they are afraid of retaliation from the administration.  …

Kim Michaels:Well, I talked to a college professor a few years ago who had done some TV programs about some controversial research about the pyramids.  And he was telling me that when he first heard about this, about the pyramids potentially being much older than the academic community says; he didn’t dare to talk out about, because he wasn’t, yet, a tenured professor.  And he knew that if he said something that was that controversial, he would never get tenure.  And then, when he got it, then he would start talking because they couldn’t get rid of him.  But, nevertheless, you can still be discredited and be kept outside.  And I think it’s so ironic that the very academic community that claims to have freed us from the thought police of the Catholic Church in the middle ages have now created their own thought police.

Parthenia:Oh, my goodness, have they.  …


Copyright © 2014 by KIm Michaels


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